no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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