apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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