Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
