Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
