I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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