I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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