Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
