babies were throwing up all over the place
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
