even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
