well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
