so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The best revenge is premature balding
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
