i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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