my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
