I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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