He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
