The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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