Your dad touched me again.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
