i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
