Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
