2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
