My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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