Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
