Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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