M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
