so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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