you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
