You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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