I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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