Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
