Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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