dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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