btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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