I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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