I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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