I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
last night I used snow as a chaser
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
