And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
