I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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