We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
