hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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