I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
