We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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