Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
