party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
