I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
