i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
