well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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