I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
