just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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