WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Barsexuality is the new black.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
