Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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