Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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